This Mother’s Day will be quite different for many of us, different than any other year.  I miss my mother. My day-to-day family is of a different make-up.  There are wounds that are open, deep in my core, raw and inexplicable, as many of your own physical wounds remain open and untreated.  During the past year or more, many unforeseen events have been soul-stealing attempts at beating me up, down, in every direction. As many have been unforeseen, yet JOY-FILLED events that, but for this mesh, would never have presented themselves for our taking.  My family photo album from the last year includes a variety of characters, most all new family members, family by chance- my mesh family.

I have the divine pleasure of spending an entire month with my gloriously scrumptious 11-yr-old niece.  Before we left for California, we spent just about two weeks together at my house.  That means I am the luckiest aunt on the planet.  Her time with me; her trip to California alongside me wasn’t in “the plan” originally.  So I got to thinking, “What do you do with a happy accident?”  At the very least, the colloquial phrase starts with “Happy,” so we’ve got a lot going for us already; now on to that word “Accident.”  I find the word most often has a negative connotation in our every day use of it, but in this instance, there is nothing negative, no undesirable implication whatsoever, and actually quite the opposite.

Surprisingly, I have to go three definitions deep at dictionary.com to get a definition with anything negative at all:

accident  (ˈæksɪdənt)
— n
1 . an unforeseen event or one without an apparent cause
2 anything that occurs unintentionally or by chance; chance; fortune: I met him by accident.
3 a. misfortune or mishap, esp. one causing injury or death

So, our “Happy Accident” is something that occurred unintentionally or by chance – chance or fortune – or maybe even, Divine Providence.

When I found out a week before I was leaving for California that my niece would be with me; I was elated, on Cloud 9, ecstatic, joyful, excited, and um……… SCARED!  In 39 years, my role in this realm has been as a stepmother to two boys; an earthly mother to the heart beating within me for too brief a time; and a role model and mother-figure for my niece and nephew and a few others in need of some maternal love along the way.  But I’ve never actually been a day-to-day, feed ‘em, get ‘em to school, encourage them in their little-person languages, discipline them, or read between their little lines to get to their heart of hearts REAL MOTHER.

It’s a challenge to be sure, and I’m going back to the same formula I do for any other challenge of the heart:

LOVE – first and always.

CORRECT – second and always.

Have FAITH in her – always.

Have HOPE for her future – always.

The rest will most often take care of itself, I have found.  The last month has also reminded me of a simple life truth:  The hardest things to do in life are often the simplest.

Many try to follow JUST ONE rule, THE GOLDEN RULE: 

The Golden Rule

The Golden Rule

Treat others as you would have them treat you.  Easy to say, but very, very hard to do- much harder some days than others.

So if that’s too difficult for many of us on many days, how about these THREE rules:

Have FAITH, HOPE & LOVE in and for others, always and forever.  Again, pretty easy to say and remember, but very, very difficult to do.  I don’t think learning how to love people is getting any easier with more rules… hmmmm.

So then what if we take a crack at keeping the tried and true rules for right behavior for many religions including Judaism and Christianity:  The TEN Commandments.  You may be thinking, “Well, it’s not like I’m gonna murder anyone.  I don’t need those.  Ya, ya- don’t steal or kill; I get it.”  But for the sake of discourse, just read through them again:


And God spoke all these words: “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

  1. You shall have no other gods before me.
  2. You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.
  3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God,for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
  4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
  5. Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
  6. You shall not murder.
  7. You shall not commit adultery.
  8. You shall not steal.
  9. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
  10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.

Take a look at number five again.  How did we get SO FAR AWAY from that one?  This manmade MESH DISASTER is proof that we forgot or maybe even completely ignored that one, and we did a damn good job of it.

We can’t seem to follow TEN simple rules as a society, so why would we be able to follow more?

I don’t think we are able, but if the TEN COMMANDMENTS offend you or you do not ascribe to Biblical beliefs, try George Washington’s 110 Rules for Civility.  See if you can follow 110 rules.


George Washington wrote his "Ten Rules of Civility" when he was 8 years old.

George Washington wrote his “Ten Rules of Civility” when he was 8 years old.

After all that study, it’s seems apparent that every right action simply comes back around to just that one simple rule:  Treat others as you would have them treat you.

At least I can remember that one every morning, even if I forget it by noon and have to remember again and try still another time.  Again.  Every single day, sometimes by the hour- try to love again.

On Mother’s Day, as you consider how best to love your mother, I implore you to consider how you can put just this one rule above into action.  If you feel like you land on the mark one day, or even with a single moment, please share it with us.  Help our community to look for the moments in which we can love better still. Let your success fuel others onto good deeds and good days.

Family looks different for me today than it did a few years ago.  My mother is badly injured.  I’m closer to my mother in law than I’ve ever been.  Many days, my family consists mostly of my mesh family and not my natural family.  These “Mesh Sisters/Mothers/Grandmothers/Aunts” are at the tip of the spear of their injured families, families injured by a criminal assault on our precious matriarchs and the glue that holds our families together, and in that way, we as a Mesh Injured Community, one of whole families, are as close as any blood relation.  Happy Mother’s Day to all of you, and especially to the mesh-injured mothers and grandmothers.

We HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN YOU.  We love you, and we will do our best to honor you today and from now on.  God bless you all.

2 responses

  1. Pingback: For Teresa | The Mesh Warrior

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